STORIES FROM FAMILIES WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED
ITS EFFECTS
Donn and Renee: Hospital Bed Rest Far From Home
Donn's Version
Our first child was born premature, so we were on our guard
during the second pregnancy. Despite all precautions she went
into preterm labor. So my wife was on bed rest in the hospital
for over three months. The most difficult time for me was the
first several weeks when we were in the "...maybe go home,
maybe not" mode. Once the decision was made to keep my
wife in the hospital, it allowed us to establish some sort of
routine.
I lived and worked an hour away from the hospital, and had
our two year old daughter to take care of. The best advice I
can give to dads is to accept and ask for help. Being candid
with my boss, co-workers and family was helpful. When people
asked what they could do, I would tell them, such as visiting
my wife in the hospital, watching my daughter so I could go
out with other friends occasionally for a break, doing laundry,
shoveling the driveway. I finally let others take my daughter
to visit the hospital and it took the daily burden/guilt off
of me.
When my daughter and I were starting to have problems, and she
was starting to act out in day-care we quickly went to family
counseling, which was a great help in just one visit. Needing
and taking help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of survival.
I guess I'm trying to say that you don't have to do everything,
not Super Dad, but rather Superb not Super worker.
As I look back now I think I should have given my wife more
decision making duties. I think she felt a real loss of any
control in her life. She is feeling guilt and anxiety at several
different levels. When my wife and I had disagreements (fights)
while she was in the hospital, it was over little things, but
those were some of the few things she felt she had any control
over. I'd also encourage your wife to talk with someone who
has been through this experience. Neither of you are alone.
Renee's Version
It's hard to even begin to talk about the experience of bedrest
as it is still one of the most difficult times in my life I've
ever had to go through. I had hoped for a normal pregnancy after
having my first child born pre-term at 32 weeks. But when the
doctors saw something abnormal on my ultrasound at 20 weeks,
it sent our lives into a whirl for the next 4 months.
After about 10 days at home on bedrest, I landed in the hospital
at 24 weeks into the pregnancy for what I thought would be a
few days. It was just one week before Christmas and with a 2
1/2 year old daughter at home, the hospital is the last place
anyone wants to be at that time of year. Unfortunately as time
wore on, we realized that I would be staying for the duration
of my pregnancy and that small room became home. I was treated
for PTL and had a cercalge. On my 96th day in the hospital my
daughter was born. On day 98 I went home.That was a whole new
adjustment too!
There were many difficult things about being on bedrest. The
foremost were losing complete control of my life and the incredible
boredom. I went from working and being full-time Mom and wife,
to being 50 miles away from home, not working or seeing family
or friends more than 2 or 3 times a week, and being confined
to laying in bed every minute of the day except for 1 hours
time for eating and bathroom privileges. It was awful! Anyone
who has been on bedrest knows that this is no vacation but I'm
sure others thought this must be great. It's not. And every
day is a struggle to just mentally get through. Even though
you know what you are doing is for you baby, it is still hard.
I was fortunate to have wonderful family support from friends
and family. And when I finally learned not to feel guilty about
asking people for help, it made a big difference. If people
offer to help out...let them. Tell them what you need and don't
feel bad about it. This will help not
only you but also your partner/spouse. Some of the biggest disagreements
we've had in our relationship came during bedrest. No one can
deal with all the strain of this experience, but anything that
others can do to help ease the burdens really does make a difference.
Bedrest is no piece of cake. Take one day at a time and celebrate
any time you can. We had parties often to celebrate those big
milestones--25 weeks, 28 weeks, Christmas, New Years, Birthdays,
Valentine's Day, whatever. Order pizza, Chinese or a hot fudge
sundae if it helps. Talk to someone who's been on bedrest before.
I've talked to many since my experience and it helps immensely
to share with someone who's "been there". Remember
you are doing hard work while you are on bedrest. You are working
to have a healthy baby and that's what it's all about!
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